Knowing Who You Are

What it is

Finding your own likes, opinions, and choices — and learning how to decide things for yourself.

Why it helps you

If others always chose for you, choosing can feel scary or even impossible. It’s a skill, and it grows. Your taste and your “yes” and “no” are yours to find.

Good to have first

Being Kind to Yourself.

This opens up

Finding What You Enjoy, every big decision ahead.

Where to get help

Practice choosing

You don’t need an app for this part. Choosing is a skill, and small choices are how you build it.

Start tiny. Pick your drink, your snack, or which way to walk. Notice that nothing bad happens.
Try “I like / I don’t like.” Taste a new food or play a new song. Say to yourself, “I like this,” or “I don’t.” Both are fine.
Give yourself a time limit. For small things, decide in one minute. You can change your mind later.
Notice who you ask. If you always ask someone else first, try deciding before you ask.
Write down what matters to you. Words like “kindness,” “freedom,” “learning,” or “fun.” Your list can change as you grow.

If you are figuring out who you love or what your gender is

Many people from strict homes were told these feelings were wrong. You are allowed to wonder, to take your time, and to keep it private until you feel safe.

The Trevor Project Free, private support for LGBTQ+ young people, any time, day or night. Trained counselors answer.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: LGBTQ+ young people, about ages 13 to 24.
How to start: Call 1-866-488-7386, text START to 678-678, or chat on the site.
Good to know: Open 24/7. Trevor also runs TrevorSpace, a safe online community for ages 13 to 24. Its free Coming Out Handbook helps you decide who is safe to tell, and plan ahead in case it goes badly.

LGBT National Help Center Free, private peer support for people of any age. Every volunteer is LGBTQ+. There are lines for coming out, for youth, and for older adults.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Call 1-888-843-4564. To talk about coming out, call 1-888-688-5428. There is also one-to-one online chat on the site.
Good to know: Open Monday to Friday, 2 p.m. to 11 p.m. Eastern Time, and Saturday, noon to 5 p.m. Eastern Time. They say they do not report calls to outside groups.

Trans Lifeline A peer support line run by and for trans people. You can call even if you are not in a crisis, or not sure you are trans.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Trans people and anyone questioning their gender.
How to start: Call 1-877-565-8860.
Good to know: Open Monday to Friday, 1 p.m. to 9 p.m. Eastern Time. Closed some holidays. They say they will not call police or emergency services unless you ask them to.

Find an LGBTQ community center (CenterLink) A list of more than 300 LGBTQ+ community centers. Many have groups, events, and a safe place to be yourself.

Cost: Free to search. Most center activities are free or low-cost.
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Click “Find an LGBTQ Center near you.” Look for your state.
Good to know: Each center is different. Call first to ask what they offer.

If you only do one thing first

Today, make one small choice just for you, and don’t ask anyone. Pick a color, a snack, or a song. Then say, “I chose that.” That is you, starting to show up.

Watch out for

Gurus and coaches with all the answers. Anyone who says they know who you “really” are, or that only they have the secret, is a warning sign. Good helpers want you to think for yourself.
Groups that feel amazing, very fast. Be careful of new groups that shower you with love right away, then ask for money, time, or loyalty. This includes “business opportunities” where you sell products to friends.
“Therapy” that is really a religion pitch. Some free counseling is run by groups that want to change your beliefs or your sexuality. Before you start, ask, “Do you bring religion into counseling?” Trying to change someone’s sexuality or gender does not work and can cause harm.
Sites that charge to fill out government forms. Some websites charge extra to “help” with forms, like for a name change or benefits. Get the forms from the official court or government office first, so you know the real cost.