Finding Meaning Again

What it is

Rebuilding what you believe and value after leaving a strict group or faith — including how to handle holidays, right and wrong, and the grief of what you left.

Why it helps you

Leaving can take your whole map of the world with it. You get to build a new one, on your own terms, at your own pace.

Good to have first

Naming What Happened.

This opens up

A steadier sense of who you are.

Where to get help

Talk to someone who has been there

Recovering from Religion A nonprofit with a free peer support line and online chat for people who are doubting or leaving a faith. The people who answer have often been through it too. They will not tell you what to believe.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone who is questioning, leaving, or hurt by religion.
How to start: Call 1-844-368-2848 (that spells 84-I-DOUBT-IT). Or click the green chat bubble on the website to text-chat.
Good to know: They try to answer 24 hours a day. If no one is free, you can schedule a call or chat, at least 3 days ahead. This group is not religious.

Recovering from Religion support groups Free online group meetings. There are groups for LGBTQ+ people, women, men, parents, Spanish speakers, and youth ages 16 to 25.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone examining or changing their beliefs.
How to start: Pick a group and use the Zoom link on the calendar.
Good to know: You can keep your camera and microphone off. You do not have to use your real name.

If you left a certain kind of community

Footsteps — for people leaving ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities Support for people who have left, or are thinking about leaving. It helps with feelings, school, work, legal issues, and making new friends.

Cost: Ask when you call.
Who can use it: People leaving ultra-Orthodox communities, at any stage.
How to start: Call 1-877-783-7755 (877-STEPS-55) or email connect@footstepsorg.org.
Good to know: Based in New York, with online programs across the U.S. They say they reply within 3 days, and talking to them does not mean you have to join.

Ex-Muslims of North America — emergency help — for people leaving Islam who are in danger If you are being abused or threatened because you left Islam, they may help with a short-term place to stay or a way to get out.

Cost: No cost is listed.
Who can use it: Ex-Muslims in the U.S. or Canada facing abuse or danger.
How to start: Use the contact on their “Get Help” page.
Good to know: They will ask for ID and proof of what is happening. They no longer run support groups themselves, but the page lists local groups.

Holding Out HELP — for people leaving polygamous groups, in Utah Help with basic needs, housing, counseling, and life skills for people and families leaving polygamous communities.

Cost: Ask when you call.
Who can use it: People from polygamous communities.
How to start: Call 1-801-548-3492, Monday to Thursday, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Mountain Time. Or email help@holdingouthelp.org.
Good to know: This group is in Utah. Its in-person help is there.

CRHE homeschool alumni groups — if you were homeschooled Free online groups for people who were homeschooled, led by trained alumni. Many members also left a strict faith. See Naming What Happened for more.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Homeschool alumni.
How to start: Sign up on the page for the next meeting.
Good to know: Groups are private and not recorded.

Understand what happened

ICSA — help for former members The International Cultic Studies Association studies how groups control people. Its free articles explain the tricks groups use. There are also videos for people who were born or raised in a group.

Cost: Free to read.
Who can use it: Anyone who left a high-control group, and their families.
How to start: Read the checklists and survivor stories on the page.
Good to know: ICSA does not give counseling itself. It can point you to people who do.

Religious Trauma Syndrome, from Journey Free A free article by Dr. Marlene Winell, a psychologist who has helped people leave harsh religions for over 30 years. She named this pattern “Religious Trauma Syndrome.” It is not an official diagnosis, but many people find the description helps.

Cost: The article is free. Her coaching, groups, and workbook cost money. You don’t need them.
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Read the article. See if parts of it sound like you.
Good to know: Needs internet.

Finding a counselor who won’t push religion

Secular Therapy Project A free list of licensed counselors who promise not to bring religion into your sessions. Each one is checked for a license and for using proven methods. Many offer video sessions.

Cost: The list is free. Each counselor sets their own price.
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Sign up with an email address and your ZIP code. Then search.
Good to know: If cost is a problem, see the low-cost options in Boundaries and Saying No.

Tips for finding the right counselor:

Many counselors offer a short free call first, often about 15 minutes. Use it to see if you feel safe with them.
It is okay to talk to a few before you pick one. You are not being rude.
Good questions to ask: “How much does it cost? Do you take my insurance? How long and how often are sessions? Do you bring religion into counseling? Do you give diagnoses? Can you prescribe medicine, or refer me to someone who can?”
If leaving home is hard, ask about video or phone sessions.
If you can’t find someone who knows religious trauma, a counselor who is LGBTQ+-affirming is often a good sign. Many of them understand this kind of hurt.

If you only do one thing first

Call or chat with Recovering from Religion at 1-844-368-2848. You don’t need money, ID, or the right words. You can just say, “I left, and I don’t know what to do with how I feel.” The person who answers will listen, and they won’t try to change what you believe.

Watch out for

Paid “deprogrammers” or “exit counselors.” Some people charge a lot to “fix” your thinking with pressure, long arguments, or keeping you away from others. That is the same kind of control you left. Real help is gentle, goes at your pace, and lets you leave any time.
Religious counseling that hides what it is. Some counselors say they are regular therapists, then push prayer or guilt. Ask at the first call, “Do you bring religion into counseling?”
Expensive “religious trauma coaches.” Coaches don’t need a license. Look for a licensed counselor (like LCSW, LPC, LMFT, or psychologist) and check the license with your state.
A new group that has all the answers. After leaving, it is easy to fall into a new group that offers instant family. Be careful of any group that demands loyalty, money, or tells you who you can talk to. Take your time.
“Free summaries” of books. Sites offering free copies or summaries of recovery books may be stealing them. Borrow books free from your library instead.