Boundaries and Saying No

What it is

Knowing you’re allowed to say no, and learning how to do it.

Why it helps you

Boundaries keep you safe from people who would use you. They are the base of every healthy relationship.

This opens up

Healthy Relationships, Making Friends, Doing Well at Work.

Where to get help

Learn how, step by step

Building Boundaries worksheet, from Mental Health America A free worksheet from one of the oldest mental health groups in the U.S. It helps you think about where you need limits, like at work, with family, or with friends. Then you pick one boundary to practice.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: On the page, find “Building Boundaries.” Open it on your phone, or print it at a library.
Good to know: You do not need an account.

What are my boundaries? — love is respect A short, plain article about the kinds of boundaries you can have: with your body, your feelings, and your phone and accounts. It is written for young adults, but it works for anyone.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Read the article. Write down one thing you are not okay with.
Good to know: If someone you are dating crosses your limits, you can talk to love is respect 24/7. Call 1-866-331-9474, text LOVEIS to 22522, or chat on the site.

Free worksheets from Nedra Glover Tawwab Nedra Tawwab is a therapist who writes about boundaries, including with family. Her free worksheets help you name your feelings and what you want.

Cost: Free
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Download the “Feeling Identification Worksheet.”
Good to know: Her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, is in many libraries. Find it at a library near you.

Low-cost counseling

Learning to say no after years of not being allowed to can be hard. A counselor can help you practice.

SAMHSA National Helpline A free U.S. government line. It can help you find counseling near you, including free or low-cost places if you have no insurance.

Cost: Free to call.
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Call 1-800-662-4357. Or text your ZIP code to 435748. Say, “I have no insurance. I’m looking for low-cost counseling.”
Good to know: Open 24/7, in English and Spanish. They give referrals, not counseling. You can also search on your own at FindTreatment.gov.

Find a Health Center A U.S. government map of community health centers. Many offer counseling. They charge based on what you earn.

Cost: Based on your income. It can be very low.
Who can use it: Anyone.
How to start: Type in your ZIP code. Call the closest center and ask, “Do you have counseling? Do you have a sliding fee?”
Good to know: They may ask about your income to set your price.

Open Path Psychotherapy Collective A nonprofit that connects you with licensed therapists at lower prices, in person or online.

Cost: $65 one time to join. Then $40 to $70 per session, or $30 with a student therapist.
Who can use it: People with no insurance, or insurance that doesn’t cover enough.
How to start: Search the therapist list on the site before you pay.
Good to know: You need a way to pay online. If that is not possible right now, start with the health center finder above.

If you only do one thing first

Practice one small “no” this week. It can be tiny: “No, thank you.” “I can’t today.” “Let me think about it.” You do not have to explain. A no is a full answer, and you are allowed to give it.

Watch out for

“Life coaches” acting like therapists. Coaches don’t need a license. If someone promises to heal deep pain without a license, walk away.
Pressure to decide right now. “Only two spots left!” or “This price ends tonight!” are sales tricks. Someone who respects your boundaries will let you think.
Big up-front payments. Real counseling is paid one session at a time, or on a sliding scale. Be careful of anyone asking for hundreds or thousands of dollars for a “package.”
A helper who tells you not to ask anyone else. If someone says, “Don’t talk to your friends about this,” they may be trying to control you.
People who get angry at your “no.” A safe person may feel disappointed, but they respect it. If someone punishes you for a boundary, that tells you something important about them.